Treatment

Getting Past the Pain; How Spouses Deal with a Loved One’s Addiction

Family members and spouses of addicts are now learning to stand up for themselves, to work through their feelings, to get help for their loved ones and themselves. Addiction affects more than just the addict, and family members are beginning to take a stand for themselves and get the help they really need.

Discovering an Addiction

Spouses usually remember the exact day when they learned about their loved one’s addiction problem. Whether it was something that was suspected for weeks or even years, or if it came as a big surprise, the feelings are usually the same. Betrayal, rejection, pain, and loneliness are all to be expected when a person learns their partner has a substance abuse problem. Even though we may know addiction is a disease, it still causes those close to the addict to feel personally wronged. It is impossible to trust a spouse that has lied about their addiction, or has snuck out and gotten high when their spouse wasn’t around or paying attention. This is what so many people have a problem with – that they can’t trust their spouse anymore.

But as we see with so many families lately, there is hope for these relationships, and our emotional scars can heal. It is often just as important for the spouse of an addict to get help as for the addict themselves, because without healing our emotions, the relationship will continue to struggle.

Support During Treatment

Each spouse deals with treating their loved one’s addiction in a different way. Many people that attend counseling with their spouse carry with them so much anger and hurt; it is obvious that feelings need to be worked out. Other people are just so happy to have their spouse in treatment that they look past the pain they themselves have been in and do all they can to help their loved one. Still others are able to remember their loved one for who they were, (and who they will be again someday) and are able to happily stand behind their spouse in therapy. But for each of these couples, it is necessary to give attention to the feelings of the loved ones that have been affected by addiction.

Therapy for Loved Ones

Spouses of addicts need to remember that they can be part of the recovery process, and they need to work on their own recovery as well. Spouses working through an addiction should spend quality time together in a non-stressful setting. Keeping communication open will help heal feelings. Support groups like Al-Anon help family members learn from other people’s experiences and gain strength from people who have been in their position. Family therapy is helpful for relatives to work together to end an addiction and the pain it causes.